“The hardest part about this is when you really weren’t ignored, but you were noticed negatively (i.e., mistakes, things they deem you weren’t doing correctly) — so you crave validation, but you can’t justify that you were ignored when you were young.” —u/ikawnimais “This is now clinically recognized as ’emotional neglect.’ There are some good resources on the web. I believe the psychologist who first recognized this as a phenomenon is Dr. Jonice Webb.” —u/not_suddenly_satire “Childhood and adolescent PTSD, which is what you’re describing, can almost be completely eradicated through EMDR. It’s not magic; you must work with your therapist, but it can work fast.” —u/bunnymoll “I need this. EMDR doesn’t involve talking in detail about the distressing event/issue or doing homework between sessions. Instead of rehashing the issue, EMDR therapy lets the brain heal trauma from within.” —u/bluegrassmommy “Going through something similar where the nights are a screaming match and in the morning, my family wants me to make lunch plans with them where we can go out and chill. How did you guys deal with this?” —u/Most-Bandicoot645 “I started telling them I didn’t want to ignore what had happened, and we need to talk about it. I got made fun of for being sensitive. I barely speak to my parents now.” —u/ToastedMaple “Anxious attachments carry into our adult relationships (i.e., platonic, romantic, professional, etc.), and there’s so much we can learn about ourselves and how to cope by better understanding our attachment styles. Took me too long to learn that it’s not normal to feel panic at intrusive, irrational thoughts about your loved ones all hating you or something.” —u/frozenchocolate “This. I’m 6 feet and 255 pounds. Been bodybuilding for years, yet I’m constantly anxious around people I haven’t known for years. Extremely hypervigilant when I’m out in public. I look around constantly and assess the environment for threats. I grew up having to watch my own back; mom and stepdad never cared about my safety. Even after telling them abusive things were going on when I was being left with violent people. I learned not to trust people. It has left me pretty scarred.” —u/BlacccHulk “Could this be seen as being very quiet around family but having the ability to speak your mind with friends?” —u/ActiveGoat2599 “Yes, and sometimes being unable to not speak your mind to anyone at all. A lot of times they seem to avoid friends, too.” —u/404person_not_found “This is me. I literally get shakes and an adrenaline rush even verbally standing up for myself or talking someone down because my parents punished me for ’talking back,’ especially if I was right. It always came down to ‘We are right because we’re your parents. Now go to your room and think about what you said.’” —u/Corgiboom2 “Preach. The adrenaline rush is so annoying, it’s like my body is self-sabotaging.” —u/sheskates “What I found helps is deep and slow breaths while in the confrontation. Arms to the side. Don’t think about your argument, just let the knowledge of your argument flow out like you’re ranting to a friend about why the situation is bullshit.” —u/Corgiboom2 “I think that’s ‘desensitization’ there. And yeah, I feel that. Being abused at a young age gets you so ingrained into it that by the time you grow up and see how other people around you react in horror about how calm you are about tragic stuff, it makes you feel like there’s something wrong with them instead. When all along, it was us.” —u/EntertainmentAny763 “It took me a while to learn my anger was mostly anxiety that I didn’t know how to deal with. I’m much better now.” —u/mad_fishmonger “You know. You’re right. I didn’t realize how they really were toxic until I left. There was a reason they sometimes don’t want you to leave because secretly they know you won’t be back.” —u/Wips_and_Chains “Humor is often a coping mechanism. Those coping mechanisms get us through things that otherwise would have turned us into psychopaths.” —u/lightning_teacher_11
“Same. I’m 29 and feel like an older teenager at best and am easily developmentally 10 years behind my peers at least. The fact that I also happen to look very young for my age does not help with that dynamic, and I legit have been mistaken for a high school kid multiple times in the last few years.” —u/DoctorWatchamacallit
