*Goofy, originally named Dippy Dawg when he first appeared in 1932, is a confirmed dog — not a cow. Why am I so obsessed with this theory? Well, the world is crumbling before our very eyes and I need a distraction to keep from spiraling. It’s either Pluto or the Kennedy assassination, and nobody needs another frame-by-frame analysis of the Zapruder film. Could puppy play explain his behavior? Yes, insofar as anything could technically answer the question “why doesn’t Pluto walk and talk like his compatriots?” Until Disney explicitly clarifies Pluto’s motivations and lifestyle choices, we won’t know for certain what Pluto is thinking. But I think we all know this isn’t the explanation. Conclusion: DEBUNKED There is absolutely no evidence supporting this theory. In fact, we know it’s wrong because Bill Farmer, the actor voicing Goofy since 1987, said in a 2020 interview: “Goofy seems to be in the canine family in the same way that a wolf is not a dog, but they also are in the canine family. I think Canis Goofus is the technical Latin term for what Goofy is.” Conclusion: DEBUNKED But this theory fails to take other pantsless characters into account. After all, Donald Duck famously dropped trou one day and never looked back, yet he still actively participates in the same civilized society as his fellow two-legged castmates. While this theory could work if it only applies to canines, I just don’t think it’s a likely answer. Conclusion: HIGHLY UNLIKELY Conclusion: POSSIBLE BUT UNLIKELY Conclusion: POSSIBLE Maybe that’s what happens to Pluto when he’s performing, so he requested a role that uses all four legs and doesn’t have any lines. This way he can always bring his A-game. Conclusion: POSSIBLE AND DEEPLY RELATABLE But Goofy seems like a pretty easygoing goof. Plus, in A Goofy Movie, he’s stuck at a dead-end, low-paying job. So if he betrayed his fellow canines just to get ahead, he didn’t do a very good job. Conclusion: POSSIBLE BUT GAWRSH, I SURE HOPE IT’S NOT TRUE (HYUCK!) If you are a walking, talking cartoon dog, you’re forced into some less-than-ideal situations. But if you’re a silent, four-legged dog, it’s pretty much smooth sailing. Conclusion: POSSIBLE AND KIND OF UPSETTING Conclusion: POSSIBLE AND A VERY RELATABLE IMPULSE Similarly, Pluto can perform as an anthropomorphized dog cartoon when necessary, but it’s just harder for him than it is for Goofy and the rest of the Sensational Six. This theory is pretty straightforward, and Occam’s razor exists for a reason… Conclusion: HIGHLY LIKELY
