—jackisue431
- How much I wish I had even five minutes to talk to her and get some kind of closure. To ask her why she did certain things, if she regretted them, to tell her I forgive her.
- What death actually looks like up close. Watching someone actively die isn’t like it’s portrayed on TV or in the movies. Sometimes, it’s sudden; sometimes, it’s slow; sometimes, it’s peaceful; and sometimes, it’s not. I watched (and heard) my mom die for three days. Very long, slow, agonizing days, which meant experiencing the ‘death rattle’ for the first time. Every time she breathed in, I panicked, thinking it was her last breath. Not leaving her side for those 72 hours was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting and brutal. I should have been kinder to myself during those days. And maybe should’ve eaten/showered/slept.
- Watching someone die will change you as a person. It will stick with you. It often replays in my brain on repeat like the world’s crappiest GIF. Some nights, I can’t sleep because I hear the death rattle over and over again.
- There is no right or wrong way to feel when losing an estranged parent. You’re allowed to grieve and feel heartbroken, no matter how many people say, ‘..but, like, didn’t you not even talk to her? So, it can’t bother you that much, right?’ Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise; you have every right to feel pain when losing an estranged parent, just as you have every right to feel shocked, numbness, or nothing.
- There is also no obligation to be physically present for a dying, estranged parent. I chose to be there, and my brother chose not to be there; neither one is wrong. Just remember to be there for each other. You can support each other without supporting the parent.
- Losing an estranged parent will feel almost like grieving a second time. You’ve already mourned their loss once; it’ll feel completely different, yet almost familiar to process losing them a second (and final) time.
- How defensive you might get when people speak ill of the person you lost, no matter how rocky your relationship might have been.
- Estates are messy as hell and bring out the worst in people, no matter how little actually exists in the estate. Being the administrator of an estate for someone who did NOT have their affairs in order and left behind no records has been the worst job I have ever had and has ruined my life for almost four years. I wish I had hired a professional so I could focus on the emotional side of things. Estates (or executing a will) can make everything feel like a business transaction.
- How crucial therapy is to processing grief. I don’t think I would’ve survived the last few years without my therapist." —meeeesh —vbunton —kittyarcadia —regularhumanbartender I still grieve the relationship we could have had. … Now, I just realize that we didn’t actually have it." —mlynndaas —hannahm32
