“I’m married now, but my rule is if they are interested, you should know it. This means they also initiate contact, they express enthusiasm to get together (can be shown by their energy/vibe, by their efforts to make things work, etc.). Someone interested will find time or communicate clearly why they can’t and find time as soon as that circumstance has passed. This does not mean someone shy won’t be shy and maybe stay a bit aloof. But once you’ve broken the initial dating barrier, you should see the interest. Teenage and 20s me would have benefited a lot from following this. “If interest isn’t clear, they aren’t interested. They may be flattered, or bored, or want to like you (but don’t), but bottom line, it’s unlikely to work out well for you, and you deserve better. This also generally applies to friendships.” —u/unicorn8dragon “Also very important to communicate expectations and boundaries on communication. People communicate differently, and these differences can and usually will cause issues if they themselves aren’t communicated clearly. “For example, one person’s default might be to throw messages into the void with expectation; conversation happens once both people (or more) are available and responding at the same time. Someone else’s default might be to check and respond to messages ASAP. It can quickly become an issue if this difference isn’t communicated.” —u/MjccWarlander “Right? If you’re playing hard to get, don’t be surprised I assume you’re not interested.” —u/tyno75 I had a dude I HADN’T EVEN MET YET get jealous of a guy I had one date with and accused me of lying about him being in my house. And he also got jealous because I said I admired Steve-O’s sobriety journey and thought he was a cool dude. It was wild.” —u/astraennui —u/Successful_Loss_153 “This one resonated with me. It can create quite a blurry identity of the true character of your partner.” —u/WaterASAP “I dated a guy who saw me as a lump of clay he could mold to his liking. I told him repeatedly that I was uninterested in attending grad school despite getting great fellowships because I got the job I thought I needed graduate school for. He sat me down and told me he could leverage some of his connections to get me into a good program. I told him absolutely not and that I didn’t need his help, that I had gotten into good programs, and he ignored me and just kept on with his pitch. I broke things off directly after this, and he vetoed and said he didn’t agree, so we were still together. Blocked him fully.” —u/SahmiSahm “This is my ex. I was with him for nearly three years, living together for two. We discussed marriage and kids many times. He blindsided me with a breakup at the beginning of this summer (just stopped communicating with me and became withdrawn). I found out he was on Bumble within a week after the breakup, seeking a longterm relationship (according to the category he selected). No integrity whatsoever.” —u/nikeheart “Being cruel to kids, animals, old people, etc. Nothing is more unattractive than that.” —u/hubermania “This is so important! And, to add, believe someone when they say they don’t want kids. Don’t take it to mean that they don’t want them right now, or any time soon. If they firmly don’t want children, that’s not likely to change.” —u/pspisy “It’s one of the few things in life to which there can be no middle ground, no compromise. It’s either yes or no. That’s really hard when two people generally match well in most other areas.” —u/HypersonicHarpist “Kids. I don’t want kids; I will never want kids; no, I don’t care if I ‘don’t have to’ care for your kids. No, I will not grow to love them; no, I might not change my mind a few years from now. I don’t want kids in my life, period.” —u/scxiao “People throwing cigarettes on the ground/out the window is my biggest pet peeve. The entitlement is disgusting to me, more so than smoking itself.” —u/mozzarella_lady “Went on a date with someone I barely knew. (He approached me IRL, something that almost never happens to me anymore. Mulled it over for a few days then said yes.) “About three quarters of the way through, discovered he voted for Trump in 2020. Have you ever gone camping and quickly zipped up your sleeping bag? That zipper noise? Imagine that noise, but coming from inside my panties. From that point forwards, my only thoughts were, ‘How quickly can I finish my salmon and broccoli, get the check, and get the hell out of here?’ “I didn’t even eat my baked potato. I really like potatoes, but it was enormous, and I couldn’t fathom sitting there and continuing to make polite conversation while I choked it down. I’m still sad I had to leave it behind.” —mom_with_an_attitude “I had a partner cheat on me when the relationship was already going down the pan, and then blame it on astrology. I think if she’d been honest in any way, I might have given it a shot, but that was a welcome, clear sign to gtfo.” —u/LadaTrip “I feel you. Why does it always have to be me to steer the conversation/make the conversation fun?” —u/occasionaluser07 “I can’t deal with smoking. It just smells awful and makes the person impossible to kiss or give oral to.” —u/chowderbags
