“It felt like a breath of fresh air, and healed my heart. It kind of showed me that the future holds a ton of potential. My spare time was minimal, and I always kept something on my schedule that I looked forward to — I could depend on that.” —u/StopTheFishes —lexnettle —Anonymous —shire7 “Three or four months after I started that job, I rekindled some old friendships from university and got chatty with one of them on a regular basis. We’re getting married in 14 days. “Ruts are awful, but while you’re in that bowl, remember what might be waiting on the other side. The ideal is different for everyone, but time and care for yourself is key.” —u/Tinywrenn “That’s huge! Congrats on continuing to set and reach your goals. Can I ask what you got your degree in and if you knew the field you wanted to be in when you began? Your determination is admirable and inspiring. I struggled in school and really came undone when I tried to go back years ago. (I had my two-year associate’s and wanted to complete my bachelor’s.)” —u/Throwaway33418 “I got my degree in childcare at the age of 33. Then, my master’s in education with a language and literacy specialism. My PhD will also be in education. I did work experience at 16 and knew straight away that I wanted to help children be all they can be. It was a passion, which helped me with my motivation. I enjoyed it, so I saw how far I could push it. I figured that I’m going to be six years older, so why not be six years older with a PhD.” —u/Bseicmkoyn “I have a good friend that is in the financially stressed/depressed/angry phase and having a hard time leaving his dream for a livable wage. Do you have any advice on how I could support him better through this? It is so frustrating to see so many people struggling to make ends meet. Especially gifted people and/or people that have pursued higher education.” —u/Internal_Guidance_21 “I’d say the best way someone could have supported me is by asking what those other goals are. Traveling was big for me, and it’s equally fulfilling. Ask what else he’ll be able to look forward to with a good paying job.” —u/NatureBride “I have a career in public service, in my field. I do work I’m incredibly proud of, that my daughter brags about. I am now married to an amazing man whom I never feel ambivalent about being with (still besties with my ex, but we’re way better as just friends). It took a few years to get here, but I am so glad I followed my happiness. It’s not worth it to try and fit yourself into a life that doesn’t sit right. “I won’t lie, it was terrifying, and I wanted to give up a LOT in the beginning — it’s easier to stay with the status quo. But I’m so glad I stuck it through! “When I was younger, I was both critical and envious of people who would just upend their life and move without a plan. While I had a plan (which changed, but hey, go with the flow), I committed to the unending, and I get it now. Change makes change! “Take the leap when the opportunity presents itself, then keep climbing up! I wish for the very best for you and hope you find your happiness, too.” —u/Saltwaterblood “If it is alright, would you mind sharing those time management books? Really curious about them.” —u/purple_iam1 “I really liked Deep Work by Cal Newport!” —u/Glass_Ice7028 “It was a very expensive lesson; however, I love being by myself. I know exactly what I want in a partner and will never settle until I find it, and I am in a job that I thought was way out of my league. In the beginning, it was a lot of fake it till you make it. I was terrified, I felt very lonely, and I was terrified to rent an apartment by myself again, but I am killing it, and I know that was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. “I am proud of myself. I know exactly where I want to be, and I know that I am going to have the life I want. I am fucking independent, and that is the most empowering feeling I’ve ever had. Always choose yourself.” —u/waveolimes “Hey. How did EMDR fix your brain?” —u/DellaMaureen “It changed my negative cognitions like ‘I am in danger’ and ‘I am bad’ into positive cognitions like ‘I am safe’ and ‘I am really great.’ It fixed my nervous system so I stopped having obsessive ruminations and now just feel very chill and safe all the time. People always comment on my great energy now, which seems incredible because I was so sad and self-destructive for so long. Truly an incredible blessing.” —u/PhysicalLingonberry7 “And while this isn’t how I thought my life would turn out (34, unmarried, still renting, no children), I make the most of every day, learn exciting new things from books I check out from the library, make new friends, and care about the environment.” —emsiedearest “Instead of continuing down the road to alcoholism, there was another path that I could take. This wasn’t me being strong; this was more like me being stubborn and ornery and struggling to salvage together something — anything — that looked like a life. So, I sat down and made a list of every little thing that had ever made me happy, no matter how small, no matter how goofy. This took awhile, but when I was done, I read over my list and noticed that very few of these things were still a part of my life. Granted, some of these things, such as playing with my little sister’s Barbies, were rightfully consigned to the long-lost shades of childhood, but other things — like hiking, camping, reading, going to church, drawing, playing piano, taking random road trips, swimming in a creek or waterfall, adventuring with my dog, chatting over coffee with a good friend, dancing, traveling, etc. — were just gone, for no good reason. “It’s like I was looking at a long obituary of the happiness in my life, happiness that I had allowed to fall by the wayside and die off. And that — right there — was the moment that I decided to take my life back. “It wasn’t easy. The drinking and the depression had been my closest companions for a long time, but now, I had a plan. I started with one small thing, one tiny sliver of light that I could wrap into my life and lock onto when the darkness overwhelmed. Then, when I was ready, I added another. Then another, and another, until one day, I was looking at me again. I was whole. Not perfect, but whole. “This was a long road — a long stretch of living in a dysfunctional relationship, followed by three years of depression, and then, at least another three years of climbing out. A long road, but a worthwhile one, because of what I learned along the way. “This is what I learned: Anyone and anything that diminishes me — my wholeness and my happiness — does not deserve a place in my life. Zip. Zero. Nada. Now, if you will excuse me, my dog, my water bottle, and I have a date with adventure. See ya!”
