“The only thing I would add is: ‘You should never feel like an empty bucket, just as your partner shouldn’t. You should both contribute to doing things for each other.’” —u/jocietimes “There’s a podcast I listen to (Just Break Up podcast, highly recommend), and one of the hosts was talking about his marriage and how his husband will never notice the socks he leaves on the floor right in front of the hamper. And the host explained that at first, he tried to get his husband to pick up his own socks and not walk past them. But even if the host left the socks there for a week (while getting more annoyed every day) his husband just wasn’t going to notice his own socks on the floor. So he picks up his husband’s socks, and his husband follows him around the kitchen closing all the cabinet doors that the host leaves open. And that idea ‘I’ll pick up your socks, and you’ll close my cabinets’ really seems like a functional, achievable, considerate romance to me.” —u/AlizarinQ “This is it exactly. I’m not talking about behavior or beliefs that don’t line up or toxicity, but the everyday stuff that people can get caught up in. It’s not worth it to me.” —u/Nuchie129 “Too many people try to change their partner or expect them to magically mature after marriage: ‘Oh damn, he’s still useless; maybe a kid will force him to grow up!’ NO. IT WON’T HAPPEN! People aren’t projects — find someone who already is the person you want to be with, and even if that takes a while, being single is so much better than taking care of a useless partner. Love yourselves, know your worth, and don’t settle for ‘fixer-uppers.’” —u/little-bird “Women are conditioned into thinking they have to do a lot of emotional labor to have a relationship, and that they have to do 100% of it. A good relationship is not emotionally laborious; it actually makes your life easier and better. That’s not to say that it’s always sunshine and roses, but your relationship should be an asset, not a liability. Communication, respect, and appreciation are also a two-way street. You can communicate, respect, and appreciate your partner until you’re blue in the face, but if he won’t or can’t return that, then you’re just in a crappy relationship, and no amount of magical thinking or sunk cost fallacy will change that.” —u/chaotic_trash_panda “My partner and I don’t necessarily plan it in a way that’s like, ‘Let’s have sex on Friday.’ One of us usually sends a very flirty message while we’re at work, and we build up on that. Then we are both mentally prepared and excited for it to happen. I’m not always in the mood for spontaneous sex, so this works for me really well!” —u/TapirLove “Life always gets in the way, and some people are night people while others are morning people. Fortunately, my wife and I have agreed we are morning people, so when we go to bed, I straight up tell her that in the morning, she is going to get it good. Then we get up early!” —u/kuntrydude1504 Neither partner should ever have to compromise what they want and need for the other person. You both should work hard to make sure everyone gets as big a piece of the pie as they want, even if you both have to make two pies. “Don’t get mad at your partner for something you don’t want them to get mad at you about. If they forget to give the dog their medicine when it is their job that day, let it go. Speak up when it’s an ongoing thing, but we all get tired and let things slip once in a while. Let it go. Let the dishes sit in the sink once in a while, let the dog poop sit in the yard for a few days, and get fast food when you’re both too tired to cook. If you can say, ‘overall,’ you’re making it. Let some things slide.” —u/corkybelle1890 —u/blewberyBOOM Acknowledge the little things and feelings that happen. Even if it’s expected, thank them and let them know you are happy they did that, and always let them know you love them.” —u/Mini_Monster62 —u/Sunflowerseeds__
