It’s truly sad that our electricity can power microwaves, refrigerators, building-wide heating and cooling systems, and even electric stoves (which we regularly use to boil water), but somehow electric kettles have baffled and confounded our rudamentary electrical grid. 🙃 Also, to any Brit who mocks the simplicity of the word “fall” because “leaves fall down,” might I remind you of your word for an elevator? You know — the thing that takes people from the ground floor and lifts them up to another floor? — I guarantee there’s nothing you can experience in any UK city that is more unpleasant and chaotic than getting stuck underground on a packed NYC subway with no idea why you stopped or when you’ll start moving again. — Your driving test may be difficult, but at least you know everyone with a license is generally qualified to operate a motor vehicle. I invite you to take a road trip starting in Pittsburgh across Pennsylvania, cross the Ben Franklin Bridge into New Jersey, drive up to the George Washington Bridge and continue north through all of Connecticut, then take Mass Pike to Boston without suffering a series of heart attacks so dire that your trip ends with you checking into one of Boston’s many hospitals. It’s impossible. — We, too, have middle schoolers and frat bros. — Seriously, we also have public housing. (See the above point about cities.) But I invite literally any British person to try starting shit in a Waffle House and not emerge severely concussed. — Razor scooters are from America, babes. Y’all seriously want to be us so bad. <3 — Remember those middle schoolers we have? They also play recreational sports on the weekends. And remember those frat bros we have? They grow up to be Sports Dads™️. — I’ll be honest. I don’t know what a brain licker is, and I don’t really care to find out — not because I am American, but because I am tired (a universal symptom of the human condition that I know y’all across the pond can relate to). — Guys, I don’t know what to tell you. We have these too. *That’s irony. **That’s irony again. We know how to poke fun at ourselves. Also, yes, BuzzFeed does ask Brits about American slang. You can watch the whole story here: “Even if you go back to 1776 through to the present day, yes it is a short amount of time in comparison to the history of Britain. But think about all the insane things that happened in that period! And even if you ignore all that, there’s one thing that we tend to forget because we don’t get taught it very deeply in Britain. And that is all the thousands of years of Native history that happened before we even turned up.” And he’s right. I hate to break it to you, but your history is our history, and vice versa.
